Wednesday, Sep 2, as students settled into their classrooms on the first day of school, chancellor Becky Blank cheerily announced that all classes were to be completely online for the rest of the year: “What a bunch of fucking idiots!” she laughed. “We don’t have to open shit! Or reimburse anything! ‘Hybrid Model.’ What the fuck does that even mean!” Despite the transition, the school has commented that students “will uh forsure be getting the same experience aha.” Rumors have circulated that the university has set up covert operations with popular high end apartments (such as the James, which is known to be extremely luxurious and not shitty at all) to make sure that students will be forced into their leases. Sounds like the city of Madison has their priorities straight and are focused on safety, especially when the bars are open before the libraries. The Bonion is happy to say school will be the same come fall!
Comments