As hundreds of girls flock to their computers to engage in the super genuine, totally not superficial sorority rush process, many hope to find the “house that they know right away is the perfect fit” (which will evidently be 10x easier to do online). Some potential new members, however, don’t know about the unspoken rules. Rumors have spread regarding an unnamed freshman from Bumblefuck, Minnesota, who was allegedly blacklisted from sorority Gamma Zeta Kappa Theta Alpha after getting caught sporting a pair of neon green SkullCandy Earbuds in a recruitment meeting. Although the sorority’s recruitment chair proclaimed her as “actually so nice and pretty,” she was unfortunately “just not a great fit.” Unbeknownst to Smith, “Barack (politics), the bible (religion), booze (alcohol), and wired headphones” are not allowed. The Panhellenic Association was notified, and the president made the difficult decision to drop her: “she should have known to use Airpods.” The potential new member was disappointed to say the least; she had spent the last couple months preparing for zoom recruitment by holding a smile for hours at a time and thinking of quirky answers to riveting questions such as her favorite color or television show. This year’s rush is being spearheaded by sorority seniors who are ecstatic to do so considering they don’t have anything more important to do. “The best advice I can give to those rushing is to just be yourself” said the recruitment chair while hysterically laughing.
Comments