Floors 4-7 Of College Library To Be Renovated Into Extension Of Dane County Prison.

College Library, formerly known as the Helen C. White library, announced Tuesday that the University has made the decision to refurbish the top 4 floors of the building into a series of prison cells and detention centers to help accommodate the recent influx of peaceful protesters being detained. Another proposition could even include inmates considered “legally insane” and double as a mental asylum. Students interviewed about the change didn’t seem very surprised: “it looks like the gulag from Warzone bro.” This comes with no surprise, as university architects have admitted to its original purpose in the past: “I mean, look at the fucking thing. Do you really think this was supposed to be a library?” said Christopher McMahan, the University’s executive director of facility planning and delivery. Bonion researchers discovered that in the last 5 decades the “library” has served as a slaughterhouse, primate research lab, cigarette advertising marketing agency, firework store, and even a brothel. It allegedly was also used as a captivity chamber for “Shamu,” the popular orca notoriously abused by Seaworld. Because no one actually does their homework in the compound, it's safe to say the extension won’t hinder productivity.